ahh, sometimes this phrase 'honesty is the best policy' couldn't be more accurate, but sometimes, like when it comes to tasting your great aunt Joan's cookies and you know she forgot to add the sugar, a little white lie, and a good poker face are required.
When it comes to this community, this topic of losing a spouse and family member who had a huge impact on so many people, there are so many unknowns, bumps, and roadblocks along the way there is honestly no way anyone can know exactly what they are doing. For this reason I am going to start by telling you, honestly, that i have no idea what im doing here in this blog. I dont know if this is a good idea, or a very bad idea, but im willing to give it a try. I dont know how this is going to look from one week to the next, and I dont mind that. I may jump around a bit at first until I figure out where my place is in this community, but know i appreciate your patience for sticking around if you can. I plan to post as my heart desires because this is selfishly what I need right now, but am more than open to questions and topics you would like me to touch on. I am not an expert in death, or loss or an expert in giving advice on widowhood. But what I am is an expert in my own life, in my own experience with becoming a widow, and how this unfortunate change in status affects my life every single day. With that said, I want to be honest with you all, as you get to know me, and what Im all about, that I may faulter and fall off track, heck what im saying may not even make sense sometimes, and I think thats okay. I think we can figure this out together, and get comfortable talking about the uncomfrotable. I don't have the right answers, but I do have intuition, and the drive to be successful. I am nervous as hell about how this will be recieved. No matter how many times you tell yourself it doesnt matter what people think- you still care, even if its just a smidge of worry, or embarrassment. The thought that interjects my thinking the most, is that when I let people into my thoughts, will they take the information and disseminate it incorrectly, or harshly? I have learned through this journey that you cannot control choices other people make. You can only control your own words and actions. So what I ask in return for my honesty about all the information I share on here, is mutual respect. Respect fosters trust, and trust is the key to any good relationship, past or present.
Im so happy you're joining me, and thank you for letting me be honest.
all my love,
Riley xo