I remember looking back and forth across the room, trying to catch the eye of any of my family members. Does this mean im not married anymore? This question sat in my throat for minutes, not wanting to be answered, but when I finally said it out loud, it had another level of impact. What was left of my heart, sank deeper into the pit of my stomach. I remember my brother in law coming to sit beside me, quietly he hugged me and whispered, 'let's not worry about that right now.' Fast forward and I'm now 1 year and 8 months out from my husband's tragic and sudden death, and this statement 'till death do us part' has so many layers of meaning now.
When I spoke those words on my wedding day, smiling at my husband, the impact and thought of losing the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with isnt something to give a second thought too. It was the happiest day of my life. Now forgetting the rings, thats another story, and thats the story we were supposed to be talking about for the next 60 years. Instead, Im here today talking about the overwhelming, beautiful, complex, sad, scary and perplexing life I face after losing my 31 year old husband in a tragic car accident minutes from our home.
I have had the urge to write recently, and let me tell you, I am not a writer. However, I feel the need to share my story, the things ive learned, and how ive managed to survive over the past 20 months. This blog will be a platform where I hope to be able to help other widows, friends and families, understand how I experienced the things they don't tell you happen in the aftermath, when 'till death does us part' becomes a reality.